the world sighs. i absorb its peace and indifference. i am not interested in the distraction of connection.

working on me working on everything

avoid extremes, excess, and complacency.  convey balance to teach balance. 

what's different?

things change.
i don't know what things.
are.

slowly, giving up. i think.

missing what wasn't

circles, always dancing circles. orbits. orbs. were they in the pictures? were you? maybe you're in everything now. maybe you always were. i'm dancing circles. maybe i'm in everything now. maybe i always was.

.

endless empty rooms. such romantic ideas. i'm so soft to the touch.

wait, this isn't right....

tampering with the weighted importance of things // all of last year?

the simple sad color of rusted copper returned me here, although i thought i had forgotten how human i am.  i watched us crumble from under my blankets. simply, we were, in the slowest ways, within the pale green light of each other. connecting comfortably in our sadness and beauty, i tried to care for you and i couldn't. you are not me. your tired green eyes were more sincere than any breath or syllable you expelled. we set the gps for the west coast and left it that way days after rationalizing that we wouldn't have the money for the trip and the drugs. everywhere we went her British accent, telling us we were off track. the apartment was perpetually light. so uncharacteristic of me. in delusions everything would be so dark and you'd be caught within yourself and i'd want to know you, want to know you more than anything, but i'd continue on invariably distant and mysterious myself. i thought; maybe i'd melt into you; you weren't who i wanted you to be.. dancing obits of secrets through the kitchen, i wasn't listening anymore. i thought; i'd often rather silence than forced conversation, but i'd always rather sex than language. away from connection at all i seem to have built a home for myself of warm water and negative space.

novem-burr (lost and found)

it was too cold to go out for long. losing my mind
spent all of today decorating an apartment in my head that doesn't yet belong to me
then painted a naked woman on the bed in afternoon light.. i guess she was me
i'm unsure. 

truth via simplicity

winter's beginning 11.4.

no windows, still knew it was a gray day. we set up the candles and blankets by the wood stove and played modest mouse all day. it's cold. it's so cold.

happy being sad